??? Obviously, I'm busy and feeling better!

I don't really know if there will be much point to continue this blog. I actually kind of like blogging, but there isn't much to say about this subject anymore. I am continuing to lose weight. I have lost over 100 lbs total since I started this process last July/August. I am really happy that I made this decision! I do tend to update on facebook fairly often, or you can always email me and ask questions! I appreciate the prayers and support that I have gotten from all of you! <3

Jenni

It's been too long!

Today is October 5th. I am two months past surgery and I haven't written anything on here in the past month or so.

We traveled to IN to see Bethany and I had a horrible experience there that I do not want to ever repeat! It's called frothing and basically it was like puking foam for about an hour. Needless to say, Steve will not be talking me into trying to pick something from a fast food restaurant again!

I have been starting to work out and that has been going okay. I definitely had to do some easing into it, but I am reaching my goals early and am feeling much stronger!

I have done a couple of massages and that is going well too. The only thing is that with the economy down, people are not breaking down my door to get in!

I have lost 39 lbs since surgery on Aug. 3rd, so I am now down 89 lbs! I am really looking forward to dancing my happy dance when I officially break the 200lb barrier! It really should happen this week. :) I had my support group meeting tonight and I have made some really great friends there.

I will try to keep this updated more often. Thanks for all your support!

I saw my chiropractor today

I have been having low back pain and trouble with sharp pains in my legs when I try to rest. I have had this problem before, but it has been awhile. Yesterday, I tested it out to see if I could lay on my stomach and I can, so I made an appointment today. I am already moving better. It will take some time, but I am hopeful that I won't need pain meds to sleep tonight!

I had a problem with my dinner tonight. I ate too fast again. I need to slow down! I really have to concentrate on that. One thing that makes it kind of hard is that I am not allowed to drink 20 min. before I eat and for a full 30 min. after. So, instead of taking sips of liquid in between bites to slow down, I just have to put my fork down. If I get distracted by something and eat to fast, my poor little pouch feels like it is going to explode out of my chest! You would think that since I have had that happen one other time that I would be more careful already! I am hoping that I don't make try for a third time!

Took a walk today!

Steve and I have been trying to take small walks every once in awhile. Today, we circled around the apartment complex. We tried to go twice, but about 2/3's of the way around ... I got too tired. Steve checked the "mileage" as he drove the car to come and get me. One circle is a little over 4/10's of a mile. So we are estimating that I walked about 7/10's of a mile. I know it probably seems trite, but I was very excited. I did get quite dizzy, but that has been happening even when I am not exercising. It isn't a weak, shaky type of dizzy ... it's really a vertigo type thing. I will be seeing my surgeon again in a week. If I am still having that kind of trouble, then I will bring it up and see what he thinks.

I am getting about half the water that I need at the moment, but I am finally starting to learn how to sip without getting air in my pouch. That will make it easier to continue to build on! I can eat between 1/2 of an oz to 3/4 of an oz of food at a time. I eat 3 times a day and I am honestly not hungry for more.

Yesterday was the one month mark. So far I have lost 26 lbs since surgery. So that means 76 lbs in the past year. I am pretty happy about that! :)

Sleep would be good!

The last several nights, I am only getting about 5 hours of sleep a night. I am getting up and walking around, but my back is still very sore. My erector spinae group (muscle that keep spine erect in sitting and standing positions) are the problem! Last night at 3 am, Steve flipped my mattress. That did help, but I have got to start getting better sleep!

The soreness factor...

Everything is starting to heal up, but I am still so sore. I have an abdominal bind that I can wear that does help support my muscles. I will definitely being wearing it for awhile, especially when I am working out and probably even working. I am struggling with it right now though ... I seem to swallow a lot of air and the bind does not make gas pain feel better! I am really working on that swallowing air thing, but ... I just don't know what my problem is with that!

I have had a very tough week emotionally. I have a friend in the hospital and she is suffering a lot. Bethany left for college and I couldn't go with. (She is 8 hours away!). On the up-side, Nicole is here to help and she is wonderful. Also, I can't emotional eat ... so that is a good thing! ;)

More IV fluids and some real food!

I went in this morning and my NP decided that some more fluids would be a good idea. My numbers from my blood draw today weren't bad, but she wanted to give me some extra boost. I am only drinking about 30 oz a day right now ... which is better than the end of last week, but is still not enough.

I have been watering down my propel, which helped cut the sweetness to a tolerable level. My sister-in-law, Teri, suggested it and it has been working out great. I got lots of great suggestions from my friends on facebook, so that was awesome.

Today I am able to start eating protein in its normal form. It was so exciting! :) So, I had a small part of a cheeseburger (no bun). I have to make sure I chew it really well, but it tasted so much better than pureed chicken!

IV fluids

Yesterday I was at the hospital for a few hours. I got very dehydrated and needed some IV fluids to get it under control. I tried the propel, as suggested, because of the electrolytes that it has. I am drinking as much as my pouch will allow me, but I have to say that I wish these drinks weren't so sweet! I am currently up, and it is 3:13 am and I am drinking some tea. Tea is the only thing that I drink that helps with the nausea part. I will be going back to see my NP for another check and possibly a couple more bags of fluid on Monday.

Fruit2O Essentials

Does anyone know if they add carbonation to this water? I know that Fruit2O is on my allowed list, but there was something not quite right with the water I drank last night. I will probably just go get some Propel, but I was wondering if anyone knew. It doesn't say on the website.

Just for explanation, after awhile it had a lot of mini-bubbles all over the edges. Steve put the cover on it and shook it when we noticed that and lots of bubble showed up. I am not supposed to have any carbonation, so it made us very nervous. I had extra trouble with burping last night. I can't tell you how uncomfortable that is for my little pouch!

Dietary changes

So, even last night I was convinced that I would never eat pureed meat. I fully planned on just sticking with the eggs, yogurt, cottage cheese and refried beans. Tonight, I realized that after last night and today, that my lactose intolerance is not appreciating that diet. So, I had pureed chicken with a little bit of fat-free gravy. Texture-wise ... not my favorite! However, if I pretend that it's chicken flavored mashed potatoes its easier to handle. So, Steve and I came up with a new plan for the rest of this week and hopefully it will work. I think it's going to. I felt well enough to walk around the parking lot a little bit with Steve tonight. So, that is obviously progress! I also had a sugar-free popsicle tonight and it was heavenly! :)

Busy day ... started okay, ending yuck!

I went and saw my regular doctor today for a med check. I have been having some problems with difficulty in taking my anti-depressants and was looking for some help. Fortunately, my current med is in liquid form and it's not a concentrate. The liquid one that I was just taking required being mixed with 4 oz of water + the 2 oz of medication. It was vile tasting and I can't chug down that much liquid! I was hoping for a patch, but the only kind offered is not the type that I need. Taking 2 tsp. and that's it will be a much better option! She also checked out the one incision that I had open up and it is healing well. So that is a relief!

Steve took me to my first post-op support group meeting tonight. It was really great talking over some of the things that I am dealing with that other have dealt with. It is a huge relief to know that with time, the things I am struggling with will get better! I connected with a couple of ladies who want to be facebook buddies so that is cool! It was good for Steve to see what is up so that he knows better how to be supportive of me.

The ride home, however, was awful. I got more and more nauseous. I finally got sick a little bit ago (intestinally) and it seems to be starting to ease up. I am lactose intolerant and the diet I am on right now is a bit difficult. Today I had yogurt and cottage cheese. I think that that combined with the car rides were tough on my system. After this week, I will be able to start eating proteins in its normal form and my diet will be a little easier to take. For now, I just have to figure out how to handle my diet without getting so sick.

I am trying to learn how to sip!

Yes, that is what I said! I am trying to learn how to sip, but I am confused because I always thought I did sip. In fact, I have finally at age 42 convinced my mom that its okay that it takes me longer than 20 minutes to finish a glass of water. One of the rules for my new little pouch of a stomach is no gulping. It causes discomfort and the air needs to get out ... yes, burping. I hate burping! I am trying to learn a better way, but so far its a struggle. I need a sipping coach!

:( not feeling good this morning ...

Taking my vitamins was not easy yesterday. It definitely upset my stomach somewhat. However, this morning I had a protein shake and I felt horrible afterwards. I need to contact my dietician and figure out why that happened. I am like a baby trying to learn what is okay and what isn't.

Things are looking up!

I have been feeling so lousy that I haven't been on here for a couple of days. However, things are looking up and I have much to share!

This past Monday, I was allowed to start eating some real food again. My diet for a couple of weeks will be consisting of eggs, yogurt (without any fruit chunks), cottage cheese, and fat-free refried beans. I can have cheese if I chew it up very well, but I am not a big fan. (Yes, I do know that I live in Wisconsin! I am not a complete "traitor" though, I do like it melted on things!). ;) It is amazing the very tiny amount that I can eat though. I can eat about half of a scrambled egg. The other foods is probably about 2 Tbl. total. It takes me about a half and hour to eat that amount. Crazy, isn't it?!

Yesterday, I had my first post-op check. I got my drain removed. Yay! It hurt like the dickens to get it pulled out, but today I feel like a new woman! I was exhausted yesterday and truly uncomfortable still, but I woke up this morning able to move around with greater ease! The really exciting news for me is that since surgery, I have lost 10 lbs. So since the beginning of this process last fall, I have lost 60 lbs. That is so encouraging to me. I have struggled to lose weight for so long. I know that for some people they can just put their mind to it and lose. I am happy for them, but for me it has been a different experience.

Today, I am going to take my first shower since surgery! woohoo! ;) (No worries, I have been cleaning up ... it's just not the same!). If I have enough energy, Bethany and I are going to take a small walk around the back yard. I need to start building up strength again. It has been a long summer with 2 surgeries! I am starting my vitamins today, so hopefully that will help also. I will be taking a chewable multi-vitamin, Calcium with D, B-100 complex and vitamin B-12 (under my tongue type) for the rest of my life. The Calcium and B-100 I have to crush for the first month, but eventually will be able to swallow more normally. Pray for me about this, because I am a real gagger when it comes to vile tasting things!

Nicole is back in Madison and Steve is in Minneapolis (won't be home until late Saturday), so my Bethany is taking great care of me. I feel kind of bad about it because she should be having fun! It's summer, but at the same time it is nice to spend so much time with her before she head off to college. :)

I caved...

Well, I ended up taking the pain meds this morning. It is awful, but if I sip some warm water right afterwards it isn't as bad. The pain got really bad though. Unfortunately, I am still feeling ick. I am usually pretty tough with pain, but this time I am really needing help with the pain.

Nausea and on-call doctors

We just got off the phone with the on-call doctor because I am really struggling with the nausea. I stopped the pain meds this evening because they were making me so sick. The doctor says that I stopped them too early and that I have to take them. I can't do it. I will puke it up. I could barely keep in the last dose I had. I was hoping for help with the nausea, but he said there was nothing he could do. Steve ran to the pharmacy, (yes at 2 am), to get me some liquid Tylenol. If the pain is making me nauseous, then I will try that. I cannot handle the strong narcotics.

Pain and Nausea

The pain was really bad yesterday. I know the pain was at an increased level because my body had still not expelled the gas put into my body for surgery. That part is starting to feel better. However, the pain meds make me feel really sick. The sooner I can get off them, the better I will feel. My drainage tube is in a location that makes it hard for me to take a deep breath. So, I am definitely hopeful that it will be removed on Wednesday at my appt. with Dr. Wasco.

Last night was weird for me, (and I hope that this is something I can get over quickly), because whatever it was that Steve made for supper smelled really good. I don't really know how that even worked out that way with how I was feeling, but it did. I don't know what he made. I refused to look at it or even ask about it. Of course, it is silly of me to want everything to be easy for me. I certainly knew what I was getting myself into!

Home from the hospital today!

So, obviously, surgery happened this time. I appreciate all the prayers because it was obvious to me that God was working in my healing process. I am typically a slow healer and I had enough issues that no one thought I would be well enough to be at home today.

My diet at the moment is literally water, broth and sugar-free jello. I am liking the broth and the water the most. I can only handle about 2 T of the broth/or jello at a time. I don't feel hungry at all, so my weight should start dropping pretty quickly. I am being allowed to start pureed protein on Monday if I feel up to it. So, I'll let you know how that goes.

I think a nap sounds really good right now, so I am going to get on that! lol! I look forward to sharing this experience with you, now that I have something actually interesting to share!

August 2, 2009

Hopefully, today is the last waiting day. Tomorrow is the scheduled day for surgery, but after all the delays I feel foolish expecting it to happen.

There is a part of me that wishes that I could "pig-out" when I wanted to and not have it affect my weight or health. Sometimes I still think, what is the big deal about being fat. The addiction to food, especially sugars, is strong ... but with God, I am stronger!

I love you all and I am going to pursue health. :)

July 16, 2009

Still on track for August 3rd. I saw my surgeon yesterday and he feel confident that the bronchitis I am being treated for will be gone in time. My lungs are clearing out and feeling less tight. I am still being ultra careful though. I just can't fathom my mental health if it gets canceled again! lol!

July 11, 2009

I went to my primary care physician this week because I have had a cough since surgery. I was starting to worry that it could delay my August 3rd surgery so I went in. She put me on antibiotics for bronchitis. Hopefully I will be totally clear by the time I need to be! I had planned on going to church tomorrow, but we decided that my immune system just doesn't need to be exposed to so many people right now. We got an email today asking for help with the children tomorrow because there are too many people sick around here!


I have had a harder time with my diet recently, (not crazy, but some "cheating"), so I am trying to get completely back on track. I ended up deciding to have a really great dessert from Chili's for our anniversary. Steve went and picked it up and brought it home. That was a special occasion, and I don't feel guilty ... but, I our fridge hasn't been stocked with the foods I need. So, I have had too much cereal.

Other than that, life has been pretty boring around here!

June 22, 2009

I went to the clinic today and got my drain removed. This coming Friday, I get to get all my staples removed. It makes me chuckle to think that such things are the highlights of my week! ;)

My surgery for the gastric bypass/gastrectomy is now August 3rd.

June 18, 2009

Well, some of you know that yesterday did not go exactly as planned. I woke up from the anesthesia to find out they couldn't do the gastric bypass/gastrectomy surgery. My hernia was so big and blocked with stuff that they had to take care of it first. I am going to be going back in to have the gastic bypass/gastrectomy surgery in about 6 - 8 weeks. Dr. Wasco told me that he had to suture it shut and he's not all that sure that sutures will hold it. So, in about a year, he will want to go back in and apply some mesh to the area.

When they told me that they were unable to do the planned surgery, I was somewhat confused. Of course, I was still kind of loopy from the drugs! When he spoke to me I could tell he felt bad but also knew he did the right thing. He was concerned about my hernia that it had become life-threatening. My Grandma J died from a bowel obstruction. So, I told him that although I couldn't help but feel bummed about it, I was very thankful that he was so concientious.

I am in a tremendous amount of pain right now, but I am home and going to continue to trust God in this whole thing. We have found out about 2 conditions that I have going on that I probably would have ignored, because I am used to being uncomfortable. That is a God-thing!

June 16, 2009 (11:30 pm)

Well, I'm ready to get to sleep. I stayed up a bit late so I could get one more sip of water in. I appreciate all the prayers and encouragement! I love you all!

xoxo

June 12, 2009

I just got a call from the nurse practioner and a lot of what I said in my post yesterday is not correct. I had gotten the impression that I was having the sleeve gastrectomy and so that is what she and I discussed yesterday. However, I am still having the roux-en-y surgery, but they are still removing the part of my stomach that is filled with polyps. They can't do the sleeve type of gastrectomy because my polyps are near my small intestines. So, I will still have to deal with the malabsorbtion problems unfortunately. They don't have a book that details my surgery, because it is fine-tuned to my polyp problem. So, I will let you know how this surgery affects me as it affects me.

By the way, I will also be checking with them to figure out what I should do about checking on the rest of my intestines as well as my colon.

June 11, 2009

I had my pre-op appointments yesterday and we are still good to go for surgery next week.

Some good news about the new plan is that I won't have some of the malabsorbtion problems that I would have had with the Roux-en-Y gastric bypass surgery. The not so good news, is that my body won't react poorly if I try to eat things that are food I should not be eating. One reason, gastric bypass is such an effective tool to weight loss is because of how ill you can become if you eat poorly. I don't know about you all ... but I hate getting sick! That definitely would have deterred me. So, I will definitely appreciate prayers and encouragement as I go forward.

With the pre-op diet, as of yesterday I have lost a total of 47 lbs so far. I have broken one barrier that I have not been able to break in quite some time, so that is encouraging! :)

June 3, 2009

Two weeks and counting! I have been dedicated to my pre-surgery diet, but I am majorly craving some chocolate! :/ No worries, I will persevere! ;)

May 22, 2009

Good News!!!!

Midwest Bariatric Surgery called me today and they have set my surgery date for June 17th. I was very surprised that they could get me in so quickly! Both of the surgeons who do Bariatric procedures want to do the surgery together since my case is a bit more complicated. Another surgeon in their surgery practice is taking some vacation time, so they scooped that day up to do mine!

Some things to pray about specifically, other than the obvious, is that Bethany's graduation party is June 27th and that feels really close to the surgery date. Also, Alex has an important doctor's appt. at the end of June in Milwaukee. So, Steve will have to take him. Steve is a great dad, but not always so great on the details! Steve is also concerned about the amount of work that he will need to take off and would appreciate prayer that the timing of all of this will be smooth.

:)

Happy Birthday Bethany!!!

May 13, 2009

I've been really, really busy the last couple of weeks. I just wanted you all to know that I got a copy of the letter sent off to the insurance company a few days ago. Now, I need to give the insurance company time to respond. Hopefully, the next post on here will be good news! Thanks for all the prayers!!!

May 7, 2009

I stopped in at the clinic earlier this week to check on the status of my surgery. At first, the receptionist was firmly explaining that they will call me when everything comes through in writing. I explained to her that I knew that, but that since I hadn't heard anything that I would appreciate her checking to make sure the new letter got sent to the insurance company. To my dismay, she could not find record of a new letter. I asked them to call me when they send it out so that I don't have to worry about it any longer. So far ... no call. If I don't hear from them by tomorrow at noon, I will be calling them again. I am feeling very frustrated!

April 17, 2009

I haven't been feeling well since the endoscopy. The consistent pain and cramping is gone finally, thank goodness, but I still feel sick after I try to eat. I talked to the nurse today and I decided to keep going status quo and choose carefully what I am going to eat & include Tums in my diet.

The deal with my surgery at this point is that Dr. Wasco has to submit a new letter for insurance because the procedure is now different than approved for. So on with the waiting game ...

April 15, 2009

I had another endoscopy this morning. Apparently I had even more polyps today, so more biopsies. He said they looked angry and aggressive. The plan at this point is to remove at least part of my stomach. I'm not sure how much, but I would rather remove tissue so that I don't have to worry about it afterwards. Hopefully they will call me in the next couple of days so that we can have some sort of time-line! I look forward to my pre-op appointment with him so that we can ask all the questions that we have about this. He, of course, needs to have all the tests back in order to proceed with the exact plan.

April 11, 2009

It's after 2:30 am and I am reluctantly awake. I went to bed at 9 because I wasn't feeling very well. I skipped supper tonight because I wasn't feeling well. I'm still not feeling great. I absolutely detest the "ick" of sickness. I must admit that it makes me think about what it could be like after surgery. At my support meeting, I found out that some struggle with feeling sick often and some don't at all. I really wonder which category I would fall under ... I'm afraid it would be the feeling sick often type. I haven't had any symptoms tonight, other than just not feeling well, but it's still not fun. I would much rather be sleeping!

My next endoscopy is on Wednesday. I'll keep you posted!

April 5, 2009

I had a really great weekend spending time with my extended family. My mom turns 60 on the 8th of this month and we had a fun time celebrating her. My siblings from CO came to WI and it is always so great to see them. So, even though it was a weekend for my mom ... I guess I am going to make this entry still about me! ;p

In our society, as many of you know, events like this always have food! So they are always a bit problematic for me. My sister Cat consumes a diet that is similar to my pre-surgery diet. (By the way, she is gorgeous!). She gave me some new ideas of things that I could make and take to parties and still eat them! :) I decided to skip even my token bite of cake. My sister Ann made a really delicious Chicken soup; but it did have rice, potatoes, peas and I think corn in it. I am not supposed to eat any starches with this diet. I had a cup of it and it was really amazing, but for this party ... that was my dessert!

My siblings and parents are being very supportive. They wondered though why I would still pursue the surgery since I have been so successful losing weight with the pre-surgery diet. Actually a few others have wondered that as well. I don't have a great answer for this. I think my desire to continue with the process is partly fear and partly impatience. I don't want to give up and potentially keep the yo-yo process going. I feel foolish saying this, because I am very aware that eating healthy is a choice. I guess I have been struggling with this for so long that I just can't help but worry a bit. The impatience part, of course, is related to the hernia. I just want the weight off as quickly as possible so I can get it repaired once and for all! On the other hand, I really do need to have some questions answered about how we are going to check on my stomach down the road. Although it would be nice to be thin again, my true goal is to be healthy!

March 29, 2009

We spent the afternoon in Madison for my great-niece's first birthday. She was so adorable! I didn't think that I was going to be able to celebrate it with them because of the time frame of recovery. This was one nice thing about having the surgery delayed!

My niece had made an amazing looking cake for the occasion. I think she said it was Blackberry Jam cake with White Chocolate/Cream cheese frosting. I had a token bite and it was really good. I'm glad I had a plan going in to the party to just have one bite. It would have been truly easy to throw that out the window! (not the cake, just the plan! lol!)

March 27, 2009

Romans 8 NIV

Life Through the Spirit (copied and pasted from http://www.ibsstl.org/)

¹Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,^{[a] 2}because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. ³For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature,^[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.^[c] And so he condemned sin in sinful man,^{[d] 4}in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

⁵Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. ⁶The mind of sinful man^[e] is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; ⁷the sinful mind^[f] is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. ⁸Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

⁹You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. ¹⁰But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. ¹¹And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.

¹²Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. ¹³For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, ¹⁴because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. ¹⁵For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.^[g] And by him we cry, "Abba,^[h] Father." ¹⁶The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. ¹⁷Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Future Glory

¹⁸I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. ¹⁹The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. ²⁰For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope ²¹that^[i] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

²²We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? ²⁵But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

²⁶In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. ²⁷And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

More Than Conquerors

²⁸And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,^[j] who^[k] have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. ³⁰And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

³¹What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³²He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."^{[l] 37}No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

March 23, 2009

I woke up today feeling a little blue about everything. Fortunately, I am able to update some information today. The nurse called this morning, and gladly announced that my polyp was a normal polyp and not cancerous. I was glad to hear that since we didn't think it was! She seemed like she was going to hang up the phone, so I quickly asked her what the plan was. She was confused, as the location is a general surgery location as well as a Center of Excellence for Bariatric surgery location. When I explained that my surgery that had been scheduled for tomorrow was postponed because of this non-cancerous polyp, she said she would get more information from the surgeon. She called me back around noon, and let me know that my surgeon would like to get another look at the inside of my stomach in 4 weeks, (which is much better than the 12 weeks that she originally thought it was going to be!). If everything still looks good at that point, then we can reschedule my surgery. So, I am now scheduled for my next endoscopy on April 15th.

March 22, 2009

Friday evening and Saturday morning, I strayed off my diet plan. I hung out in Nicole's apartment and I ended up snacking on some SunChips and a little bit of vanilla ice cream. Saturday, she and I went to Perkins breakfast/lunch. I traded the potatoes for some applesauce, but I still ate the pancakes. Obviously, it wasn't a horrible binge or anything ... but you would not believe how yucky my stomach felt! It is so weird to me. I was told that my body would eventually react that way, but I don't think I really believed it. I think that I feel a bit relieved to know that I like my new way of eating more than my old way of eating!

March 18, 2009

Well, unfortunately, the results of my endoscopy is delaying my surgery. There were some unusual "bumps" in the lining of my stomach that my surgeon has biopsied. I have to wait a few days to hear about those results. It is possible that I will have to have some sort of treatment for those, and then re-check to see how they look. It is possible that I will have to have part of my stomach actually removed when they do the surgery. As I know more ... I will let you all know more.

I am bummed, but I am glad that the doctors are being careful. Most importantly, I believe that God is in control and that is all that matters.

March 17, 2009

Last night I went to my first support group meeting. Our topic last night was Head Hunger vs. Physical Hunger. I had talked many times about emotional eating before, but this was the first time that I heard anyone talk about it in these terms. Physical hunger was described as the kind of hunger that is satiated with nutritious food and we only eat to satisfy that need. Head hunger was described as the brain tricking the body into thinking that we are hungry, but not anything will do. Head hunger usually involves major cravings that can only be satisfied by the food that is being craved. It can feel physical, but if we pause and think about if it is real or not, we can tell the difference. Emotional eating, on the other hand, does not necessarily mean you are hungry. Any emotion will be a good excuse to eat ... sad, angry, bored, even happy. I found the topic to be very interesting. I had found it easy when I have felt head hunger before to give into that impulse, because I believed I was hungry. Actually, I hate meal planning, because I never know what I am going to feel like eating. lol! I guess most of my eating has been planned around my head hunger instead of physical hunger.

I enjoyed meeting people who truly understand and want to take steps to improve their health. I have stayed away from support groups because it seemed like a place that could be more of a pity party than a healthy group of support. I have heard stories from others that said that the groups that they have tried were filled with people who tried to justify their actions rather than truly want to change. I don't know if it was fair to stay away because of other peoples observations, but regardless this group was good for me.

March 13, 2009

So, I got a call from the nurse today regarding all those tests yesterday. That is never a good sign! They are putting me on antibiotics for a bladder infections, except I don't have a bladder infection. My numbers were in the normal range, but on the high side of the normal range. So, just to make sure I am on meds for 5 days. I had to laugh, because the pharmacist said to make sure that I didn't ingest anything with calcium, iron, or ALUMINUM an hour before and after! lol! What do we injest that has aluminum? Someone please tell me so I will stop doing such a thing!

I also have to have an endoscopy on Wednesday morning. I had some sort of irregularity show up on the upper G.I. and they want to look. They are suspecting some type of inflammation or polyps. I was kind of worried that this could delay my surgery, but my regular doctor doesn't think that is the case. (I had to talk to her today to get the prescription!). If there is polyps, I guess they will remove them immediately. So, that is good ... I guess.

My sweet Nicole is giving up a sleeping in morning on her spring break to get me to the hospital by 6:30 am. That is truly love! She really takes great care of me, and I appreciate her so much!!!! :)

March 12, 2009

Today was pre-op lab work and class day. I was at the hospital from 7:15 am until 4:30 pm today ... and I "dragged" Steve along with me all day! (He was great actually ... only fell asleep once! ;))

First I had blood work drawn. It was shocking the number of vials that they needed! It was at least 12 vials! Then they wanted me to pee in a cup. The only problem was that they didn't let me drink anything after midnight ... so that wasn't happening! lol! Then I had to go do a bunch of pulmonary tests. That involved breathing into a machine that would graph my lung capacity in a couple of different ways. The tech for that was really nice and we had a good time chatting! Then I had to get a chest x-ray and an upper G.I. test. After that test, I finally got to drink some water! It did the trick! ;) The final medical test for the day was an arterial blood draw, which is from the wrist. NOT my favorite, but also not the first time I have had that type.

Next was an appointment to talk to the money person at the clinic. Our insurance does cover this operation, but we needed to pay for a years worth of support group and personal trainer fees. $240 is definitely worth that! We put it on our health savings account card, so it was not painful!

After lunch, we had 3 classes. The first one was with the personal trainer. It was very interesting and informative. I look forward to working with him! The second class was with a nurse who explained the surgery and recovery aspects very well. It was great for Steve to be able to hear facts. So many people like to tell the stories of what they have heard, and quite frankly sometimes is is complete misinformation. The third class was a detailed description of how our diet will progress over time and what we can expect. This was also helpful for Steve, because he does almost all of our grocery shopping!

It was a long day, but a good one! :)

March 10, 2009

Two weeks from today is as one friend put it, "Jenni's Transformation Day." lol! These last two weeks went pretty quickly, so I imagine that the next two will go fast as well.

This afternoon I had a sudden onset of a really sore throat. My kids have had similar viruses recently, so I guess I should have known! I would really appreciate your prayers about this. I would be really crushed if my surgery got delayed by an illness!

March 5, 2009

Yesterday was a hard day. I was really craving chocolate, cookies, ice cream ... pretty much everything I need to avoid right now, (well and lets face it ... pretty much forever). I have stayed strong, but the temptation to just have a little is always there. Unfortunately, just a little is a very difficult thing for me right now. I have a plan for how I am going to handle this after surgery. (Obviously, I mean for when I am back to eating "normal" foods again). When I have a craving, I will occasionally have a bite of something. If I have a lot of something, there will be significant consequences in the nature of getting sick that I do not want to deal with! Steve, has already expressed willingness to share with me my token one bite when it is something that I really like. I appreciate him!

February 26, 2009

Today, I had to go in for a test to check to see if I had a bacteria present that is related to stomach ulcers. I had to blow air into a plastic bag, drink some fluid that tasted like "Extreme" Crystal Light Lemonade, and then 15 minutes later I had to breathe more air into another plastic bag. Fortunately, I did not test positive for the bacteria. If I had, then I would have had to go on antibiotics and re-do the test. I am relieved that this won't be a barrier to things going smoothly!

February 24, 2009

My surgery is four weeks from today!

At this point (4 weeks from now) I will not have had anything to drink, (or eat obviously), and my informations says that I will get to wipe the inside of my mouth with a sponge. I get thirsty just thinking about that! Apparently, the next morning I will be drinking something that can be x-rayed to make sure there aren't any leaks. This sounds like a practical and good idea, but I honestly don't know how I am going to handle nothing to drink for that long! IV or not ... I like to drink water! I'm sure that I will have more to say about this in about four weeks! :p

(Just wanted to clarify that I am drinking water and eating until the night before the surgery).

February 23, 2009

Today was one of those days that made me feel highly motivated to have the surgery. My hernia bothers me often, but it is definitely getting worse. I need to get the weight off so I can hopefully have it repaired!

The type of surgery that I am going to be having is Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass surgery. I looked at the Wikipedia site and it has a decent description and pics if you are curious to know more about the technical parts of that.

I am craving all sorts of foods that are not good for me. I think I will "take joy" in the hernia as it is giving me extra motivation!

February 19, 2009

People keep asking me if I am excited. I am excited ... but I am nervous too. I am ready to move on to a healthier me, but the changes that I am going to be moving on to are quite overwhelming. I am incredibly thankful for all of the support and prayers that I have received from so many.

Over the past twenty years or so I have often felt judged for struggling with my weight. It is a struggle that one cannot hide. I was wrong for turning to food for comfort. I wish I would have chosen to turn to God and work through the emotional issues that were in front of me. Although, jokes or movies that make fun of fat people hurt me, no one could make me feel more shame than myself. However, this is a time for me to move on. I am no longer beating myself up. We have a forgiving God and I am so grateful! :)

February 17, 2009

I started a journey toward Gastric Bypass surgery last May. That was the first time that I even allowed myself to consider it as an option.

I gained my weight with an eating disorder in my 20's and have done the yo-yo thing: down a little, and then up higher and higher. I am now 41, almost 42. I have a hernia that may or may not be able to be repaired. In May, after my hysterectomy, I found out that it, (the hernia), had enlarged to the size of a nerf football. If I want to have any hope of repair, then I need to get the weight off once and for all! I don't binge eat any more, but my metabolism is really messed up at this point. And, lets face it that doesn't mean I don't overeat! Of course, some of you know how much pain the hernia causes me, so exercise is harder than usual. (No excuses here, just explanation!)

So, after I talked to my doctors and they encouraged me to look at Bariatric surgery as an option. I went to an informational session on July 28, 2008. I filled out the paper work and called my insurance company the next day. My insurance company covers it, however I needed to have documentation of working with a dietician for 6 months. The first appointment I could get with her was in August. I have been working with her and I have managed to lose 30 lbs so far. It has not been easy. I am so addicted to sugars! (By the way, that is not always sweets).

Today, I found out my surgery date is March 24, 2009. I have decided to keep this blog, so that the people I love can read my thoughts on all of this. Feel free to post specific questions as I am an open book! :)